Being 80 is ridiculous!
As a child, seeped in 19th Century poetry (“The Little Boy Blue,” “Oh My God Can Joe Be Dead?” “The Spring It Comes Too Late“ “Annabel Lee” and such), I never expected to make it to adulthood. I had the noble, maudlin, and very melodramatic intimation that I would not reach the age of 19. I memorized Christina Rossetti’s “When I am dead my darling/sing no sad songs for me/ plant thou no lilacs at my head/nor weeping willow tree…” (ask me, even now, and I can reel off that entire poem. Ever ready). I honestly gave away most of my spare possessions a few December days before my 19th birthday. To my surprise, the years passed and the needle moved and I lived on expecting not to despite my good health.
Guests at my 70th Birthday Party
Needless to say—when I reached 70 it presented as a form of immortality. It was a celebration! How very amazing to be alive at 70. Seventy, with a devoted spouse, lovely grandchildren, and still able to extend a leg upon a ballet barre; still able to boss people around who still continued to ignore me. My hands were age-spotted, vein-crossed and crinkle-skinned, but –by damn—could still open a pickle jar and write a legible thank you note. Seventy was g-r-e-a-t!
Guests at my 70th Birthday Party
One more from my 70th Birthday Party
But then. . .but then, 73 hi-jacked me when my beloved and brilliant partner of 30 years ran off with a 40 year-old science denier.
Following that emotional tsunami, I still had a few great friends. And family! I just love, love my dysfunctional, mostly loyal, always funny, smart and interesting family. I live (and have for over 20 years) in my dream house, a gracious light-filled home beside the ancient and beautiful New River. I am lovestruck by that river running through a unique County that long ago kindly opened its arms to me. Every year there would be wonderful books not-yet-read, amazing movies to watch—uncounted gorgeous sunsets and stunning sunrises over land and water and rock. Still, I stayed packed up and ready-to-go, just as my 18 &3/4 year old self had.
Eighty kept advancing: the wonderment of a great grandchild—the unexpected joy/astonishment of wee Antonie. Then the world began to turn mad and every voice that could resist was needed. My voice too. It was wrong to leave that to others, and wrong that others weren’t resisting. WHAAT? Where did our country go?
There were some deaths: friends and family. How could they be leaving, have left, when they weren’t at all ready, wanted so desperately to stay? Eighty approached as a duty to hang on; keeping the torch aloft because there were too few to pass it onto.
So, here came 80—ready or not!
The 8Oth BirthdayParty
The set up.
My daughter, with the help of her amazing friends, put on the best party imaginable. I so loved my 70th( which I totally orchestrated) and just couldn't believe Gretchen allowed me zero input (besides the guest list) for my birthday a decade later. My houseguest, Leila, and I were banished to the loft while Gretchen and her team affixed large black and white photo/posters on all the walls and the fridge, there were also probably 40 double sided color photos on the counters and around my big table that was weighed with a huge array (alas none I could chew) of great food and a selection of fine wine and wine glasses; green and gold candles flickering in the late afternoon light. The kitchen was dominated by Brittany, yoga teacher/bartender superb, and the 4 signature cocktails: THE MAYNARD, THE KEMAH( bourbon w/ a bite,) NEW RIVER MUSE, and SUMMERTIME. Sister Jane, my fabulous granddaughters—Alanah & Iris, Diane Goff, Dianne Dinger, Mary North, and Leila all gave generous homages; surprise guest Genie Sotile had traveled from Baton Rouge. David Yolton performed a song for the occasion and--stunningly—my friend Jeff Dinger (who works with the County) read an official proclamation by the Board of Supervisors commemorating my 80th and my devotion to this challenged, unique and gorgeous County. Two-year-old Antonie wandered among the room of 50, or so, adults sharing his red truck and stopping by every now and then to say "Happy Birthday Dammaw." I mean , REALLY! And then there was the group gift of a Sculpture Dancer lamp that was from so many friends and family. Eighty roses from Sam & Merle. 80!
The Ballerina Lamp
Dave’s Song
Belle Bend Birthday Girl ¾ time (to the tune of “Evangeline”) David Yolton 2025
D
Eighty’s the lady, the Belle of the Bend,
D A
Not old, just wiser than you.
A
Still has her smarts and her tarts and her charm
A D
Any gentleman would be lucky with her on his arm.
Full of conviction with wit and good diction, D
She summons the best of our nature. D A
To help and to care she’ll mix cocktails to share, A
Then call up the legislature. A D
The Proclamation
CHORUS:
G D
If we still had kings, she’d probably be Queen;
A D
Queen of the river and everything green.
G D
Dear Ann Goette from New Orleans,
A D
Our lovely octogenarian.
She helps children and dogs and swims in the New, D
And sets such a good example. D A
She’ll give you advice like she gave to me. A
“Be the change you want to see” A D
With enough to go around, she charmed the whole town D
So on this special occasion D A
We all say “the lady’s okay” A
Time for a big celebration! A D
CHORUS: (Repeat last line) end
(thank you, Dave, my gifted friend)